Heart on my sleeves

What is it like to have your heart broken by yourself? 

Nivedita said this to me two years or so back, that I wear my heart around in my sleeves - it's too easy for me to let anyone walk into my heart, step and waltz on it without a promise. She never said it was something bad. She just said she was worried that it would put me into a lot of hurt and pain one too many times. And she was true. She still is. But did I stop carrying my heart around in my sleeves? No, I didn't. I have just raised myself up to be someone who believes that the world will be a better place with more happiness and love in it rather than hatred and hard feelings. And, today here I am, 20 years old dreamer who walks around with her heart in her sleeves. Today, here I am, a giddy, light headed 20 year old girl who gets her heart broken one too many times.

Most days, I don't have any complaints for myself about the way I am. But sometimes, I like to question - why does it have to be only me who has this dull, strange ache to the left of my chest when I actually thought this was something that made sense to the both of us. You had no idea? You still don't have an idea? Okay. That still sounds fair enough to me. But then again, how many times till I have this right? How many times till things are all right, till the timing is perfect, till you and me both are right for one another? How much longer? I don't really want to be whining about this and feeling bad about it, but this sucks. 

We could be a beautiful thing together. You know? We could. But I am not brave enough to try and you won't really be ready for this because you have never thought of us in that way. So this is us just letting go of what we could be - oh, a beautiful thing we could be. 

And, here's to all the lonely nights in existence and here's to happily ever-afters that never turn into a reality. Here's to all the brave hearts that take the chance and make it theirs. Here's to the broken dreams and dark, dank reality. Here's to the courage of living the life they love and loving the life they live. Here's to this and that. Here's to us. Here's to you and I. 

Now, Nivedita, your girl is still going to carry her heart around in her sleeves. It probably won't work out any day. But I like my heart better when it's un-caged. This makes me fall in love with life every moment and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as I can.