Away from Home
Little notes from Sept 1-16.
The last few days I had friends and family over at my home and I closed off all thoughts and stayed in the moment with them. I wanted to commit those moments to memory and let them settle in. Times with them made me realize how grateful I am to have people I connect with, can bicker with. Thank you for making time for me despite it all. I love you.
PART I: Five meltdowns and 16 crying sessions later.
The past two weeks at home, I have chewed on my lips and held my breathe to hold back tears. I have used onions as an excuse in the kitchen while preparing lunch for my family. I have crossed my fingers in my pockets, blinked my eyes fast enough to hide tears while on shopping trips.
The last few days I had friends and family over at my home and I closed off all thoughts and stayed in the moment with them. I wanted to commit those moments to memory and let them settle in. Times with them made me realize how grateful I am to have people I connect with, can bicker with. Thank you for making time for me despite it all. I love you.
PART I: Five meltdowns and 16 crying sessions later.
And now to Kathmandu,
For every time that I held my Baa's hand and walked around everywhere in Kathmandu, I have earned memories with him. Sometimes his nerves would get the jitters and he'd clench his hand so hard my fingers would turn white. I'd always complain and tell him it hurt. But this past week, I said nothing. I thought of all the times that my father provided for us and never ran away. This is the city my father came to while chasing his dreams. This is the city my father held my hands in and walked in for years and years.
For every time that my mother made sure that I was well fed, I have earned my memories with her. For every dish I have ever tasted for every meal that has made me sleep sound and happy, I have to thank my mother. There is nothing like coming home to the dal mam that Aama makes. Nothing compares. This past week, she taught me little kitchen hacks and cleaning tips. The pressure cooker nozzle is quite something. Aama is so strong and patient. This is the city my mother gave her youth to. This is the city where my mother walks so lightly.
I also felt my heart clench and sink at one too many spots around Kathmandu. Oh, my dear city of stars, I have loved you for as long as I have known. You know all my secrets. For years, my words and poems have taken shelter in your creaks. All streetlights and sidewalks where I held my lovers, my people and linked elbows with friends, are my favorite.
Whenever I went away for short trips, I yearned to see your blue hills. I have always loved coming home to you. I am sure you have always known I have wanted to reach for what more the world has for me. You kept me safe and loved in my search and preparation for it, thank you. Now with my new step forward, I do not feel distant from you for I am but a part of home.
My people, my city of stars, my home for 24 years, until next time.
For every time that I held my Baa's hand and walked around everywhere in Kathmandu, I have earned memories with him. Sometimes his nerves would get the jitters and he'd clench his hand so hard my fingers would turn white. I'd always complain and tell him it hurt. But this past week, I said nothing. I thought of all the times that my father provided for us and never ran away. This is the city my father came to while chasing his dreams. This is the city my father held my hands in and walked in for years and years.
For every time that my mother made sure that I was well fed, I have earned my memories with her. For every dish I have ever tasted for every meal that has made me sleep sound and happy, I have to thank my mother. There is nothing like coming home to the dal mam that Aama makes. Nothing compares. This past week, she taught me little kitchen hacks and cleaning tips. The pressure cooker nozzle is quite something. Aama is so strong and patient. This is the city my mother gave her youth to. This is the city where my mother walks so lightly.
I also felt my heart clench and sink at one too many spots around Kathmandu. Oh, my dear city of stars, I have loved you for as long as I have known. You know all my secrets. For years, my words and poems have taken shelter in your creaks. All streetlights and sidewalks where I held my lovers, my people and linked elbows with friends, are my favorite.
Whenever I went away for short trips, I yearned to see your blue hills. I have always loved coming home to you. I am sure you have always known I have wanted to reach for what more the world has for me. You kept me safe and loved in my search and preparation for it, thank you. Now with my new step forward, I do not feel distant from you for I am but a part of home.
My people, my city of stars, my home for 24 years, until next time.
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