To Chapter Two with Seven
June 15, 2:00 AM
I started the Festa Dinner a minute before Zero O'clock - with a silent, secret prayer from my side. I have finished watching the one hour dinner video and right now I feel a vacancy like never before. My eyes hurt, my head is burning. But my heart feels heavy despite the vacancy. This is a weird lull.
"You're my best friend for the rest of my life."
I hear this on loop inside my head as I write this. Throughout the video, they kept repeating how this is not the end. They were so apologetic through it all. They are not assuming how we will feel about this. They want us to understand their sincerity. They want us to see it for what it is. They trust us to respect their decision. This is the next chapter.
When Joon said how in this timeline, this is the best version of them that they can give us. I was nodding my head, agreeing to him. When Yoongi said he has squeezed out everything he wants to talk about and now wants to learn more and practice, I was cheering on him already. When Jin said there is more that he is looking forward to and the changes he wants in his schedule, I knew I could expect a few surprises from him. When Tae said there are many things he wants to try, I think was thinking of how he showed up on VLIVE yesterday to watch Bangtan perform. When Hobi said he is starting this new chapter for Bangtan, I was predicting his performance at the festival - the set, the outfits, all of it. When Jungkookie said there is a timeline and a tempo for everyone, I was thinking of how relatable that is for me with where I am in life right now. When Jimin said they can't separate ARMY from BTS, I was thinking of just how interconnected we've all become…
// Cont'd. June 15, 6:13 PM
As I watched the video, I reflected upon how I've seen them as artists since early 2019 and then followed them along. All this time I saw them as artists who have won millions of us with their art. Their passion shown through vibrantly through their art, and it was easy for me to not see anything that went on off-cam. The guilt I felt as I saw them talk of the disappointment they feared. And just to see how tired they were of just milking out content for the crowd. The whole world took a break during the pandemic and they switched their plans, called off the tour, sat and produced songs that made history, songs that have a story to tell. All for us.
As our artists, they did everything in their power to be with us in the only way they could when we were all isolated. As their ARMY, we respected their music, streamed their music, ran campaigns for relief and donation, charted songs and celebrated every crumb. This symbiosis.
And all through it, we were still at their pedestal. What is marked as one of the most confusing two years this generation has seen yet, earned another badge as a beautiful era.
What broke my heart last night definitely wasn't the start of this new chapter. It's their sincerity, vulnerability and selflessness. What could have been a company statement was a laid back group dinner. What could have been another stretch of this loop for them became a chance for them to catch a breath, to go back to learn who they are as individuals.
And Namjoon. Of course. He is human. Like any of us, he will doubt himself at times, question his caliber. How did I fail to weigh in how he must feel with all the scrutiny and endless criticism? How did I forget that to hurt is human and how human and real these seven people are?
Anger also makes me cry. The fact that Jimin had to ask everyone to talk their word for them and not twist what they say? How sick and tired must have they gotten with all the nonsensical rumors and gossips surrounding their lives? How hurt must he have been by all those keyboard warriors who do not account for what they say?
I started the Festa Dinner a minute before Zero O'clock - with a silent, secret prayer from my side. I have finished watching the one hour dinner video and right now I feel a vacancy like never before. My eyes hurt, my head is burning. But my heart feels heavy despite the vacancy. This is a weird lull.
"You're my best friend for the rest of my life."
I hear this on loop inside my head as I write this. Throughout the video, they kept repeating how this is not the end. They were so apologetic through it all. They are not assuming how we will feel about this. They want us to understand their sincerity. They want us to see it for what it is. They trust us to respect their decision. This is the next chapter.
When Joon said how in this timeline, this is the best version of them that they can give us. I was nodding my head, agreeing to him. When Yoongi said he has squeezed out everything he wants to talk about and now wants to learn more and practice, I was cheering on him already. When Jin said there is more that he is looking forward to and the changes he wants in his schedule, I knew I could expect a few surprises from him. When Tae said there are many things he wants to try, I think was thinking of how he showed up on VLIVE yesterday to watch Bangtan perform. When Hobi said he is starting this new chapter for Bangtan, I was predicting his performance at the festival - the set, the outfits, all of it. When Jungkookie said there is a timeline and a tempo for everyone, I was thinking of how relatable that is for me with where I am in life right now. When Jimin said they can't separate ARMY from BTS, I was thinking of just how interconnected we've all become…
// Cont'd. June 15, 6:13 PM
As I watched the video, I reflected upon how I've seen them as artists since early 2019 and then followed them along. All this time I saw them as artists who have won millions of us with their art. Their passion shown through vibrantly through their art, and it was easy for me to not see anything that went on off-cam. The guilt I felt as I saw them talk of the disappointment they feared. And just to see how tired they were of just milking out content for the crowd. The whole world took a break during the pandemic and they switched their plans, called off the tour, sat and produced songs that made history, songs that have a story to tell. All for us.
As our artists, they did everything in their power to be with us in the only way they could when we were all isolated. As their ARMY, we respected their music, streamed their music, ran campaigns for relief and donation, charted songs and celebrated every crumb. This symbiosis.
And all through it, we were still at their pedestal. What is marked as one of the most confusing two years this generation has seen yet, earned another badge as a beautiful era.
What broke my heart last night definitely wasn't the start of this new chapter. It's their sincerity, vulnerability and selflessness. What could have been a company statement was a laid back group dinner. What could have been another stretch of this loop for them became a chance for them to catch a breath, to go back to learn who they are as individuals.
And Namjoon. Of course. He is human. Like any of us, he will doubt himself at times, question his caliber. How did I fail to weigh in how he must feel with all the scrutiny and endless criticism? How did I forget that to hurt is human and how human and real these seven people are?
Anger also makes me cry. The fact that Jimin had to ask everyone to talk their word for them and not twist what they say? How sick and tired must have they gotten with all the nonsensical rumors and gossips surrounding their lives? How hurt must he have been by all those keyboard warriors who do not account for what they say?
The start of this new chapter feels natural. It has had a long time coming, they tell us and I believe. And now as we turnover the page, I have a few things to share. How natural it is to respect other's values and privacy. A little kindness goes a long way. It doesn't cost you anything to be kinder, to be gentle with your actions and words.
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