Beyond wishes

Nivedita and I will dance to the songs we like. I will tell her I can't dance, yet our hands will find each other and we will giggle and dance (read, attempt to dance). Nivedita and I will run at places we like. She will tell me her feet got cramped, yet our hands will find each other and we will giggle and race like no tomorrow. 

It has been three years now since we have learnt to live far apart from each other. Before she went to Bangladesh, we were both scared. Not because we'd forget each other, but because the circumstances would be different and we'd be pushed through difficult times. The time difference wasn't weird but the distance was. Nivedita wrote to me then that she was scared of all that was going to change. How she wouldn't be with Nikita for years, how she and I would be meeting different people and growing up in our own ways. I was bracing myself for the numb days, my guard was building up. The first couple months, I got through with calculated distance and space. I wasn't ready to cope with our circumstances and college and people and so much. 

But at the end of every day- good or bad, it was so easy for us to come find each other. Just like our hands did, we found each other every day. She'd tell me about what Sneha and she did the whole day, about the people she met. I'd ask her about the food and the weather and her class and tell her about the book I'd read, the song I'd heard. How we connected our stories to the people we met and songs we heard became a habit of some sort. Some days felt as tests of our patience- to see if we could make it through or not. On some days, we both needed the space and somehow we knew when and how. As easy as it was for us to fall for each other, it was easier for us to stay in love with one another. 

Nivedita and I aren't peas of the same pod in many ways. We don't complete each other. We just weren't built that way, I guess. Though our preferences are varied, our beliefs and values have been similar and strong. Meeting a person who doesn't turn your life upside down or paints your world in rosy shades but let's you do things to make yourself a better person and makes you believe in you and your worth is the kind of love I believe in. And for me, that love is Nivedita and I wouldn't trade it for all the universes in existence. I am a little crazy and am in a whole other level of stupid but I have a best friend who makes me want to wake up everyday and live it with all my heart. 

We have our fair share of bad days and worst days but we won't complain much about that. Because in some weird, twisted way, we always find our way back to each other. Even if the path is sometimes hazy, we both keep trying to find each other- we always do something about it, like we'd promised. So, it's okay. With us, it will always be. 

Now, as the clock strikes midnight and my sunshine enters a new year in her life, I have nothing but love for her and a promise that the sound of my heart will always sing a prayer to keep her safe everyday. Happy Birthday, Mutu. It overwhelms me every time I think of how I feel about you Ms. Nivedita Shrestha. You are one woman, that I grew to like, love and love a little more with every passing day. And every time I think of this, even after all this time, I get teary-eyed and feel a lump in my throat. 

I love you.

Most days aren't bad. But I know I could live through anything if I could get a hug from you every day.