Tripping into the 20's

I have been wanting (read trying) to write something about the realizations I have had before I turned twenty for a while now. And every day, I’d try to think of something concrete to write about so I could express what I’d realized or learnt in this journey of two decades.

It has definitely been a trip filled with ups and downs (well, who am I kidding – what journey isn’t! Right? ) I had a difficult time these past few days trying to come up with this. And now, hours before (precisely, 2 hours and 25 minutes before the clock strikes midnight), I am here with Stella (my laptop) trying to come up with a birthday present for myself.

These past two years after high school have been a learning experience for me and this past year, in particular, has been a thorough journey of self exploration, learning and realizations. It certainly took me more than a few wrong turns, people, companionship, heartbreaks, losses and typos to get where I am today.

Something really important that I have come to realize and practice in these twenty years of survival and existence is that it is really important to make yourself a priority. You will meet people who will tell you otherwise. Your horoscope probably tells you to do this to please your boss or that to please your lover, but no. Who you should make time for is yourself. Your mother will probably call you a little too many times but you probably want to stare at the dusk settle in and the tiny lights start flickering in tea stalls and tiny shops. On days like that, call Mum and tell her to have a nice dinner prepared- a full plate of daal, mam, tarkari, achar- and that you will be a little late than usual. Then call Dad and tell him to lend Mum a helping hand while you give him a rough estimate of when you’ll be home. I am, of course, telling you about the things I did and still do.

Growing up doesn’t really come with the years one has lived. It comes with the push and pulls of life and the highs and lows that follow. I don’t claim to have “grown-up” just because I am (almost) 20 now. There is still so much more that I want to learn and do in life and on some days I wonder if I will even live long enough to do all that I wish to. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t… but I have certainly decided on living each day to the fullest for myself.

I will still walk longer distances than I should. I will go into chiya pasals on my own. I will buy more books and read some more. I will write a little more. I will go out of my comfort zone and talk to people, extend a hand and say “Hello, I am Mamina.” Then I will repeat my name and spell it for them because I know I say it clumsily the first time around and many don’t get it at the first go. I will continue telling people about the things I like the most about them – the shine in their eyes, the curl of their hair, the sound of their laugh and what not. I will also tell my best friend about how I love her and mean it a little more than that always. I will still leave home early every morning and stumble back home a little too late but still hungry for the mam my Mum cooks. I will sing songs a little too loud even if I don’t know the lyrics. I will still fall in love a little too many times each day so it hurts a little less every time my heart breaks. I will just live a little more today than I did yesterday and become a better version of me with every dawn that comes.

So, dear 20's you may be tough, but I have been built brave enough to live through you.
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