Outgrowing the shell

What is it like to look back and reflect upon who you are and who you used to be? This one thought is running circles inside my head, knocking at my heart, probing and prodding, as I begin to write this. More often than not, as we think of change, we choose to see the heartache, the pain, that made us undergo it. More then than not, we are left thinking about those days and nights we spent curled up in bed. What I think is the most scariest thing in the whole world is the feeling of helplessness- you know it's there, but you can't do anything about it, because you don't know how to bring yourself up.You remember that, too. Those moments of excruciating pain, the weight on your heart, the helplessness. All of it. Whenever you think of change, they are all there- holding hands, standing tall and proud.

As a little girl, I have had this notion about giving, towards believing that something good is out there and we just have to have a little faith. I grew up wanting to see the world in rosy shades- voir la vie en rose. And, now I know that not everyone likes the way I see things and people.

You have your choice on change. Not every change inflicted on you is to be accepted. You see, here's the thing: Your life, your outlook on life is that one thing, you should always have a control upon. Just because they want to count the flaws in what they see, does not mean that I should stop seeing my blessings. This does not mean that I have not seen the jealousy, the greed, the hatred that is out there in the world. I have had teachers who bribed me to help the student behind me in the examination hall, friends bickering on and on about all the attention they get, a love that scarred me for life. These people, all of them, have changed me. My outlook to life is still as rosy as ever. But I also see the parts where it is more maroon than rosy. From a silent girl who just knew how to nod her head at everything she was told to, I grew up- I changed to someone strong enough to speak for what's right.

Change is not an overnight thing. You have to work through it over days, months and even years. You have to grow to accept change. There will be moments of discomfort, of pain. But there will also be moments of realisation, of joy. And in between those moments, you'll be spreading your wings out of the cocoon, little by little, preparing yourself for the flight ahead.

One might change because of someone else, but the change should always be for yourself. You have been hurt, but you should refuse to let the pain change you into someone you don't recognise anymore. Because it's you who has to  stare at yourself in the mirror and it's you who has to live in the skin of the person you've become. Is it worth it to see yourself sink to the level of the people who've wronged you? Is it worth it to be betraying yourself? You have been hurt, so you should choose to rise above the legacy of that pain and choose to better than the one who hurt you.

To be pushed into circumstances that make us change is like being pushed off a cliff. You get scared a lot, you stumble a little more, flap about your wings trying to get the hang of it. But you don't. Not immediately, anyways. But you shouldn't stop trying. You should always have the faith that even if you're about to hit the rock bottom, chances are, you can still fly.

To change, is to accept the trials we are put through, to not give up even when we're suffering, to gently love what lies ahead of us, to be willing to be vulnerable. When we accept change, we learn to love a little harder because we know it might not last forever; we learn to speak a little kinder because we know words will forever be carved as feelings; we learn to breathe a little better because we know the difference between living and just merely existing.

“Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don’t have something better.” Don't be scared of change. And know that you have the power to change people: how you treat them, is what changes them. Don’t let that power go to waste. Believe that you have the power to see the change you wish to see. People might think it's crazy that you do, but the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who actually do.

x