Loops and a confrontation
When I feel fidgety enough, I tuck my hand deep in my pocket and make loops on my earphones. I thread an end to another, trying to make sense of the conversations happening around me. It rarely helps. But I do it nonetheless. With some conversations, you can't help but be fixated with trying to escape them, or put them to an end. I have had quite some afternoons filled with monologues tiring enough to make me feel at edge. Trying to place things in order. Trying to weigh my words and actions in a way that I can weaken the projection of the forthcoming pain. Trying to make it through today so that when I see tomorrow, I have a little less to feel sad about. Some of these monologues have left me with more ache than I anticipated. Some of these monologues make me feel like I have been on this bus for too long. Some of these monologues and a handful of other afternoons I spend being the listener in conversations, I make loops on my earphones that take a little too long to undo. B...