as i move through

I realized that I fall in love with Kathmandu in bits and pieces for different reasons. This afternoon, I fell in love with Kathmandu as the horizon glowed with a faded yellow light of the setting Sun. Given, the dust was still swirling in rage on the Ring Road as I watched the city dwellers commute to and fro. The sky was painted in shades of blue. "This is my favorite time of the day," I whispered quietly to myself as the light afternoon breeze passed by me. I also felt myself smile a little as a light sadness seeped into my heart. Oh, this city in the afternoon light. To my right, was the west horizon where the Sun hid behind an off-white Cumulus cloud. The clouds rested lightly on the blue hills. The concrete jungle was there too. I don't really mind it. There is also this slight rumble of a large lifting machine roaring at a distance where a new mall is being built. I can also see the blue tile of Bhatbhateni and I remember that there is some grocery shopping th...

And sometimes, all it takes is a simple "How are you?" to push one through a tunnel of what-ifs, hows and whys. Sometimes, it's just a simple "How are you?" that leaves you speechless. Sometimes, it's just a simple "How are you?" that makes you ask yourself "How am I?" Most often, you choose to say that you're okay - mostly to convince yourself. On most days, you choose to answer back with a "I'm fine" and the common courtesy of asking back how s/he is. On most days, you own't even realize that you are not saying that as an answer, you are saying that to make yourself believe that you are even on days when dark thoughts have been eating you- inside out. On most days, you are okay to say that you're okay even when you're not. And maybe that's okay. But maybe it's not. Today was not most days for me.  Rupesh asked me "How are you? Honestly." and here I am rambling on and on in a bl...

What is it like to have your heart broken by yourself?  Nivedita said this to me two years or so back, that I wear my heart around in my sleeves - it's too easy for me to let anyone walk into my heart, step and waltz on it without a promise. She never said it was something bad. She just said she was worried that it would put me into a lot of hurt and pain one too many times. And she was true. She still is. But did I stop carrying my heart around in my sleeves? No, I didn't. I have just raised myself up to be someone who believes that the world will be a better place with more happiness and love in it rather than hatred and hard feelings. And, today here I am, 20 years old dreamer who walks around with her heart in her sleeves. Today, here I am, a giddy, light headed 20 year old girl who gets her heart broken one too many times. Most days, I don't have any complaints for myself about the way I am. But sometimes, I like to question - why does it have to be only me w...