as i move through

"Life is like a bowl of ice cream. Enjoy it before it melts." *** I am at Putalisadak right now- in a dairy/ café, typing furiously on my cell phone as my double scoop ice-cream (in a bowl) melts away. Like everyday, I have 50 thousand thoughts running circles inside my head. If you count those that were in my head as I walked here from Gyaneswor, the count would be even higher.  Even as I am typing, I am thinking of my mum back home- wondering what she'll cook for dinner. I am thinking of my best friend who is days away from coming home. I am also keeping count of how many days I have till my Board exams begin. I am also thinking of going all the way back to work so that I can wait a little longer there and maybe come here some other day... I am thinking about people, about goodbyes, about little infinities, about the sunset, about long walks home, about what the current song on my playlist is trying to say, about the phone calls I didn't answer this mornin...

I remembered the blue windows on the white walls. I remembered the white windows on the blue walls. One after the other, I assembled, dissembled and reassembled every detail from the pages of my memory. The weight of every moment was hurting the back of my head, the core of my chest. Little did I know, the details: their remembrance and absence both would hurt as much. It's gonna be a year tomorrow. And this past year in itself has been a year of multiple tides- high and low, for me. One thing I am certain of is that I have never dreaded tomorrow as much as I am dreading it today. May 7th, 2017 was a normal day. I remember the feel of the rising Sun on my cheeks like yesterday. I remember the dull ache in my chest like today morning. I remember the bus rides, the micro ride, the long walks, the red walls, the white walls, the spider, the flowers, the wait, the talks, the smoke, the conch, the smell of burnt wood, the wails, the tears, the rain. I remember every bit of it an...