as i move through

यो एक सपनाको सहर हो रे | मैले देखेको दुनियाँ सानै छ | २० वर्षको मेरो यो यात्रा मैले यहि सहरमा सुरु गरेको हूँ | तर म यो सहरलाई धेरै चिन्दिनँ,  आसयो सहर आसपासका ठाउँ त मेरालागि सबै बिरलै छन् |  सहरहरु ठाउँमात्र हैनन्, यो कुरा म अब बल्ल बिस्तारै थोरै बुझ्दैछुँ |  एउटा सहरको रुप, रंग मात्र हैन, आफ्नै छुट्टै कथा हुन्छ, आफ्नो छुट्टै एक पहिचान हुन्छ | एक सहरको प्रत्येक घर,  प्रत्येक  गल्ली अनि बाटाहरुमा लुकेका सपना र आशाका किरणहरु | बिहानी र साँझका रंगमा रुमलिंदै, रंग बदल्दै, बादलसँग लुकामारी खेल्दै केही सपनाहरु माथि-माथि आकाशतिर लाग्छन् अनि केही सपनाहरु चाँहि यहि सहरका ठूला-ठूला घरका पर्खालसँग जुध्दै हारिरहन्छन् | केही सपनाहरु यही सहरका मानिसहरुमाझ अल्झिएर बिलाउंछन् | अनि केही सपनाहरु साँझ र बिहानीको  दोसांधमै बिलउंछन् | एका बिहानै कलेज जाने बेला मैले देख्ने सहर र सांझ अफिसबाट फर्किंदा मैले देख्ने सहर नै मलाई बेग्लै लाग्छ अचेल | आफै हिंड्न, डुल्न जाने देखि चिनेका बाटाहरुले बिहानी घाम उदाउनुअघि मलाई देखाउने रंग अनि त्यस्तै रंगले रंगिएका मेरा सपनाहरु सा...

I walked home with Papa tonight. I was getting back home from work and he had gone out to catch up with his friends some time in the evening. It was past 7 at night when he called me and asked when was I returning home. I was about to leave work (my workplace is at Gyaneswor). And I told him the same. Papa said he’d wait for me at Soalteemode (we live at Kalanki). A part of me wanted to question why he said he’d wait there instead of going home and resting. But a bigger part of me wanted Papa to stay there and walk home with me because I had had a long day and it had been ages since we’d both had a conversation, let alone walked together. I got off the tiny blue micro at the stop and there I saw Papa standing really close to the railings on the sidewalk with a small bag of groceries on one hand and a white walking stick on the other. Papa didn’t need a walking stick. Maybe, it was just me seeing things because I was drowsy. Papa didn’t need a walking stick. He stayed home often and...

I have been wanting (read trying) to write something about the realizations I have had before I turned twenty for a while now. And every day, I’d try to think of something concrete to write about so I could express what I’d realized or learnt in this journey of two decades. It has definitely been a trip filled with ups and downs (well, who am I kidding – what journey isn’t! Right? ) I had a difficult time these past few days trying to come up with this. And now, hours before (precisely, 2 hours and 25 minutes before the clock strikes midnight), I am here with Stella (my laptop) trying to come up with a birthday present for myself. These past two years after high school have been a learning experience for me and this past year, in particular, has been a thorough journey of self exploration, learning and realizations. It certainly took me more than a few wrong turns, people, companionship, heartbreaks, losses and typos to get where I am today. Something really important tha...