as i move through

निम्ति, मेरा निम्ति म आफै त्यहि अन्योल मिश्रित  लिएर पछ्याउदै ती धमिला किरण थम्यौदै ती सुक्ष्म आवाज म खोजि गर्दै छु आफ्नै अस्तित्वको आफु भित्रै बिलाएको 'म ' को खै के कति कारणले 'म ' हराएँ आफैलाई पत्तो छैन। सबैले  भने, 'म ' हराएँ रे! बिलाएँ  रे कतै त्यहि भीडमा ! सोचहरुकै भीडमा बिलीन भएँ रे ! 'होला सायद।' भन्दै टारीदिएँ। तर आज म आफैसँग प्रश्न गर्दै छु, लडिरहेकी छु म  आफैसँग आफैलाई। बाझ्दै छु म आफैसँग आफ्नै परिचयका लागि, प्रश्न गर्दै छु म आफैलाई हराएको 'म ' का  बारे।  खोज्दै छु आफैलाई  हिजो छाडिसकेका लतहरुमा, भेटाउन खोज्दै छु आफैलाई, आफु भित्रकै कणकणमा। मलाई तर्साउँदै थिए, मेरा आफ्नै आशाहरु, मलाई बिलीन पर्दै थिए , मेरा आफ्नै उद्देश्यहरु। मलाई लडाउँदै थिए , मेरा आफ्नै पाइलाहरु , सायद त्यसैले होला , सबैले हिजो सोधेथे ," 'म' कता हराएँ ?"

"Have you got lost in this crowd, dear?" "Have you got strayed from your path?" The same question in every ones piercing eyes. The same concern in every ones curious faces. But how could I trust all those strangers when, I have been betrayed so many tines by the familiar ones? How could I tell them I have lost? Lost, in a war against myself... Standing there on the corner of the street with much hope, And the diary held held firmly, close to my heart... Standing feebly, accepting all those grazing gazes. Waiting and wanting the time to fly soon... Five, Ten, Fifteen... The minutes glided away. Sixty. And the hour flew away. And then I go, dragging myself ahead. Recollecting all the pieces, fixing myself into 'one' again. And that was when I wanted to walk up to a stranger, and ask him to slap me and bring my senses to life. And that was when I realized it was still YOU, unfazed, untouched by the betrayal, by th...

I've seen you shine like the rainbow. I've seen you rage like the storm. And that is why I have every right to say that I adore everything about you... I've known your true color. I've known your fake smiles. And that is why I know how you change, just like the weather, every once in a while. I'm bound to wonder how beautiful you can be. I'm bound to ponder how you do everything so fine. And that is why I know how you can just make me smile even when you say or do nothing.

You’d never know why every time you walk beside me, I have to fit my hands in the pockets of my jeans or Just clench them tight into a fist. Just so they don’t reach out to touch you… You’d never know why I have to keep talking About me, about you or the weather.. Or just smile at all the interesting things you say. Just so that I’m distracted of the thought of how you’d taste.